Hello mx_fish
This brings to mind the story of Thomas.
[John 20:25]
The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the LORD. But he said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe.
Thomas wasn't with the other disciples when they saw Jesus after He died on the Cross. The others saw the resurrected Christ ... Thomas did not. And therefore he did not believe. Let's see what happens next ...
[John 20:26-29]
26 And after eight days again his disciples were within, and Thomas with them: then came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, Peace be unto you.
27 Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing.
28 And Thomas answered and said unto him, My Lord and my God.
29 Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.
What God gave us is a covenant of grace. Which means that we do not deserve it, just like Thomas probably did not deserve having the Lord appear to him in the way he wanted ... but God chose to apply grace and appeared to Thomas just the way he wanted it.
Not all of us get to see Jesus face to face now, but blessed are we who have not seen and yet believe. I do not need to see Him face to face to know He exists. He lives in me and with me. He is in the scriptures and the bible because the bible speaks to me. Start asking God for a fresh revelation and ask for forgiveness for your doubt. Tell God, you want to believe and let God do the rest. He can turn things around if we allow Him to.
God has promised us that He will show us great and mighty things which we know not of ...
[Jeremiah 33:3]
Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.
Trust Him and take Him at His Word. But first you have to believe. How do we believe when we do not see? That is the trick. We've got to learn and renew our mind and not think like the world thinks.
The world says let me see first, then I'll believe and then I'll say. The bible tells us say first, then believe, then only you will see.
Ask God to help you with your unbelief.
Read the following prayer email notes. But before that pray first so that God will speak to you through the notes:
dealing with doubt
http://mydevotion.com/logos/asp/viewpyrrep.asp?forumid=11&forumtype=3&topicid=168&table=prayer
controlling our thoughts
http://mydevotion.com/logos/asp/viewpyrrep.asp?forumid=11&forumtype=3&topicid=1462&table=prayer
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