Hello littleone,
You have to forgive yourself. The bible says that there are two types of sorrows:
i. godly sorrow
ii. worldly sorrow
[2 Corinthians 7:10]
For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.
God has already forgiven you when you come to him repentant. You said, you've committed it long time ago. Who is condemning you now when Christ has already been condemned on your behalf. When you accepted Him, you accepted His sacrifice for you on the cross and believe me, Christ did not die in vain for you.
Get rid of this worldly sorrow because it worketh death in your life. It brings you down. Move on because He is our glory. All of our righteousness is like filthy rags and none of us are righteous on our own accord.
Come before God. Ask Him for forgiveness once and for all. Place your sin on His altar and leave it there. He is able to help you deal with it:
[1 John 3:20]
For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.
But you have to make a choice. Thoughts will creep in if we allow them to. It's not a sin when you think. But if you dwell in it, it will get to your heart. That is where your spirit is and you can bruise your spirit by allowing this thing to fester. It is no joke.
[Proverbs 25:28]
He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.
[2 Timothy 1:7]
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
You can take back control of your emotions and not let them rule you. We are to be led by the spirit of God and we are the temple of the Holy Ghost. Don't continue to dwell in condemnation when God no longer condemns you.
Let me pray for you.
Father in Heaven,
I lift up this littleone to You. Yes, Lord, you see all things and You know all things and yet You do not condemn us. We are accepted because You were condemned. We were forgiven because You were forsaken. Lord, You did not die in vain for this littleone. Help this littleone live a new life. After she has repented help her to move on and to leave her past behind her.
I commit her into Your loving hands.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.
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